wastexpreciousbreath:

[text]: you haven’t met this guy
[text]: about the fridge…
[text]: he burglared it already
[text]: it’s essentially empty

_{{ sms ; wilder ; sent } i dunno why, but this is scaring me.
{ sms ; wilder ; sent } it’s just a damn cat!
{ sms ; wilder ; sent } but a very… dangerous one. okay, i’m heading to the store and picking up tuna.
{ sms ; wilder ; sent } make sure it doesn’t get to the china.}

wastexpreciousbreath:

[text]: i’m still here
[text]: like I’d trust the police with this thug

[text]: it’s kitchen battle royale. there have been casualties 

[text]: you might wanna get more milk

[text]: and tuna 

_{{ sms ; wilder ; sent } good. i don’t think a cat can do much…
{ sms ; wilder ; sent } what do you mean casualties
{ sms ; wilder ; sent } just… give him whatever he’ll eat. there’s other meat in the fridge.
{ sms ; wilder ; sent } don’t tell me that cats only eat tuna}

wastexpreciousbreath:

[text]: Would you believe that he’s a burglar 
[text]: and I caught him trying jack your jewelry 
[text]: so I trapped him in your apartment?

_{{ sms ; wilder ; sent } well that depends
{ sms ; wilder ; sent } did you call the police directly after?
{ sms ; wilder ; sent } or did you just leave him there?}